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Cabin for Rent Some time ago a sign appeared down at the Golden Eagle advertising a cabin for rent. I know the owner. He is a friend of mine. His name is Craig Buchanan. Many of you in the community who read this paper know him as well. He is a wonderful artist and a fine neighbor. I just wanted Craig to know that the following story has nothing to do with him or his cabin. This story comes straight out of my imagination but was sparked by his wish for financial independence. The whole thing has no basis in reality. Really, what does anymore? The sign was nothing much. It was just a piece of card stock with a brief description of a cabin and how much it would cost per month. It said, "One-room cabin for rent, has electricity but without water and no pets allowed. $275/month." I could tell by the handwriting and simple content that a man had made it. It expressed a simple desire and did it effectively. Soon afterward another sign appeared right next to the first. This one was written with a feminine hand. It said, "Cabin wanted in Ester with electricity, no water is OK, must allow pets for $225-265 per month." It even had a little picture of a cozy cabin nestled amongst some trees. At first glance it seemed a perfect match. The one had something the other wanted and they could simply contact each other, go figure out the details somewhere and get it over with. For some time both signs hung there on the wall. As near as I could tell there was no action taking place and I couldn’t figure out why. After closer scrutiny, with beer in hand, I solved the mystery. The lady wanted just slightly more than what the man was offering. She had snubbed him. Turned him down, so to speak. I actually felt sorry for the guy. Like so many bachelors wishing for a relationship, he was so close, yet so far away. Then for a while his sign disappeared, but it was soon replaced with another one in the same handwriting that said, "Cabin for rent in Ester, has electricity, located near community well, small carefully cared for and cleaned up after pets would be considered. Landlord is friendly and will negotiate price. Looking for $275/month." The guy had definitely given a little and sweetened the deal. In effect, he had dressed himself up to be more presentable. Again both signs hung on the wall side by side and nothing happened. Everyone else in Ester who frequented the bar could plainly see what was happening. These people were obviously attracted to each other—not physically, though; they were renting, not dating, and apparently had never communicated directly. They both wanted basically the same thing. It was just their terms that differed slightly. Her sign went away. For a while it was gone, but soon, like his, it was replaced. This time it said, "Cabin wanted in Ester with electricity and a nice view, access to community well would be great but a run for a large dog is required. I’m a responsible, considerate student living on a budget so can only afford $265/month." When was this going to end? His next sign said, "Cabin for rent in Ester with plenty of electricity, enough to plug in your car all winter long, a nice view of the surrounding village, membership to the community well included, one dog is OK and students are welcome. Must have $275/month. I thought she went a little too far with what she hung up next: "Cabin wanted in Ester with free electricity and a view of the Alaska Range. That free membership to the community well would be nice but I might want to have an entire dog team and sometimes I would like to throw huge all-night parties and sublet the place out to my less fortunate friends. I’ll go as high as $270/month for the privilege of abusing my position as a renter." It was good to see him stick to his guns when I noticed for quite some time his sign just hung there unchanged. She must have reconsidered after a while because she eventually changed hers to, "Cabin wanted in Ester, enough electricity to run my computer would be fine and any view other than someone else’s outhouse is acceptable. I promise to keep just one dog, stop all entertaining before midnight and ask permission before letting my friends move in with me but I really, really can only afford $265/month. Perhaps some arrangement can be made to cover the remaining balance?" He had her now. "Cabin for rent in Ester (as if you didn’t already know where it is) with electricity and a view of my big hairy butt waving at you whenever I get up from my couch to go get a beer. Membership to the community well with a commitment of shoveling my driveway all winter long. Your mangy dog better stayed tied up or it’s off to the pound and if I ever catch any of your lowlife friends around here after ten PM I’m calling the troopers. I’ll come down to $270/month but you’ll have to bring me breakfast in bed to earn that last $5." She must have been insulted because her next sign read, "Cabin wanted in Ester as far away from that drunken hairy-butt freak as possible. I will not drink water from the community well because I know it’s full of arsenic and I will not shovel anybody else’s driveway but my own. My dog does not have mange, is way cleaner than your filthy cat and has better manners and sense than you do. My friends are not lowlifers and I wouldn’t bring you breakfast in bed if you were the last man on Earth. $265/month period." You had to give the guy credit. He seemed to be learning: "Cabin for rent in Ester with free electricity. I’m sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean it. The level of arsenic in the community well is still below the acceptable standard of 50 parts per billion and you are welcome to it with a free membership. Renters will be responsible for keeping only their own driveway clear. I’m sure your dog is fine and you’re right, my cat could use a bath. I’ll lower the rent to $265/month but I’ll have to ask you to sign a lease." Her next sign only said, "For how long?" His next said, "Is six months too much?" Her last said, "Only if there is no deposit required." Eventually both their signs came down and there were no more concerning the matter. I can only assume that one had finally called the other and sealed the deal in person because soon after, I started noticing a new face around the village. I know that in Ester progress is placed somewhere down around building a world domination center, but surely there must be a better way to conduct our business than on the wall of the bar.
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